Sunday, July 03, 2005
March 30, 2004 - Why is this happening to us?
I could not believe it when Dr. Bui told us there was no heartbeat. Even before the D&C I went to another doctor just to get a second opinion. Hoping that my doctor might have missed the heartbeat or that it was in a temporary slowdown during my appointment - maybe now it was beating again! To our dissapointment, there was truly no heartbeat and we were to move forward with the D&C.
I should back up for a moment and tell you that during this pregnancy, I looked for every typical problem pregnancy sign. I checked for blood every time I went to the bathroom, I was more in tune with my body than ever, trying to feel every twinge that was occuring inside of me. There was nothing. I was a normal pregnant woman who was getting sick, gaining weight etc.
When asking my doctor why this had happened, we were informed that I was having a "Blighted Ovum" or an "Embryonic Pregnancy." Both meant that I had conceived, however, at some point the fetus stopped developing. However, my body did not realize yet that this had happened. A typical miscarriage had not occured. We were told that this can happen for multiple reasons such as a genetic malformation or a fluke. However, we were reassured the standard line that "you are young" and that this should not happen again.
We were given the option of terminating the pregnancy either through a D&C or by taking a ton of medicine. I opted for the D&C. I knew my baby had died and I wanted to remove everything and not feel pregnant any longer.
Prior to a D&C, you are given medication that will ultimatley eliminate anything inside of you. Even though I knew my child had died, I felt as if I was killing it by taking this medicine. This began the first of many major breakdowns. I cried more than I ever had in my life - I cried from my soul.
The D&C was fairly uneventful - there was little pain afterwards. My Grandma brought over my favorite - homemade applesauce. This was the last time I would be able to taste my favorite childhood treat. I had two weeks off of work and in that two weeks I read every internet site and ordered every book I could find relating to miscarriage. I was determined on figuring out why this had happened and what I could do to prevent it in the future. I read everything from Preventing Miscarriage to Fertility based on Blood Type - I am still trying to assess the credibility of that book. My A + blood is still having some problems!
Thank God for not only my entire family during this time, but especially Will and my sister Colleen. When we arrived home from the hospital, we pulled the mattress from the bedroom to the middle of the front room floor. For a week, Will, myself, Colleen and our dog Buddy laid in the front room flipping between soap operas, ESPN, Court TV and the Food Network. This was exactly what I needed. My life consisted of eating, crying and laying.
I would call my mom and my Grandma all the time just sobbing. Why had this happened to me? All of my friends at this point had either not started trying to have children or had already had all of their children. Did anybody really understand what I was going through?
I could not believe it when Dr. Bui told us there was no heartbeat. Even before the D&C I went to another doctor just to get a second opinion. Hoping that my doctor might have missed the heartbeat or that it was in a temporary slowdown during my appointment - maybe now it was beating again! To our dissapointment, there was truly no heartbeat and we were to move forward with the D&C.
I should back up for a moment and tell you that during this pregnancy, I looked for every typical problem pregnancy sign. I checked for blood every time I went to the bathroom, I was more in tune with my body than ever, trying to feel every twinge that was occuring inside of me. There was nothing. I was a normal pregnant woman who was getting sick, gaining weight etc.
When asking my doctor why this had happened, we were informed that I was having a "Blighted Ovum" or an "Embryonic Pregnancy." Both meant that I had conceived, however, at some point the fetus stopped developing. However, my body did not realize yet that this had happened. A typical miscarriage had not occured. We were told that this can happen for multiple reasons such as a genetic malformation or a fluke. However, we were reassured the standard line that "you are young" and that this should not happen again.
We were given the option of terminating the pregnancy either through a D&C or by taking a ton of medicine. I opted for the D&C. I knew my baby had died and I wanted to remove everything and not feel pregnant any longer.
Prior to a D&C, you are given medication that will ultimatley eliminate anything inside of you. Even though I knew my child had died, I felt as if I was killing it by taking this medicine. This began the first of many major breakdowns. I cried more than I ever had in my life - I cried from my soul.
The D&C was fairly uneventful - there was little pain afterwards. My Grandma brought over my favorite - homemade applesauce. This was the last time I would be able to taste my favorite childhood treat. I had two weeks off of work and in that two weeks I read every internet site and ordered every book I could find relating to miscarriage. I was determined on figuring out why this had happened and what I could do to prevent it in the future. I read everything from Preventing Miscarriage to Fertility based on Blood Type - I am still trying to assess the credibility of that book. My A + blood is still having some problems!
Thank God for not only my entire family during this time, but especially Will and my sister Colleen. When we arrived home from the hospital, we pulled the mattress from the bedroom to the middle of the front room floor. For a week, Will, myself, Colleen and our dog Buddy laid in the front room flipping between soap operas, ESPN, Court TV and the Food Network. This was exactly what I needed. My life consisted of eating, crying and laying.
I would call my mom and my Grandma all the time just sobbing. Why had this happened to me? All of my friends at this point had either not started trying to have children or had already had all of their children. Did anybody really understand what I was going through?
